Authentic Conversations and the Art of Feedbacking

Takeshi Yoshida
9 min readApr 30, 2021

Transcript

Why is it so hard to have an authentic conversation? The type of conversation that you feel safe, comfortable, connected with the other person and even if it’s a tough topic, there’s mutual respect and willingness to come to a shared understanding. Either it is in a personal or business situation, wouldn’t it be great if every conversation can be deeply engaging and meaningful like this…

Usually there’s power at play in uncomfortable conversations. If you’re the initiator of the conversation, check-in with yourself if the conversation is becoming directional talk, rather than a dialogue. Obviously you’ll want to be in the space of dialogue, but most conversations are “agenda’d” conversations and “agenda less” conversations are rare, so your agenda can quickly become a directional message that you first tell, then sell, and if that doesn’t work, yell. It’s called the tell-sell-yell escalation.

Our need to be right is triggered, and of course in response, we trigger the defensive routine of the other party and get a mute response.

How to tame our need to be right is a deep deep topic that goes beyond just fixing our conversational style. Nonetheless, on this I’d like to recommend a couple classic readings that will help on the introspection. The first is Marshall Rosenberg’s Nonviolent Communication, and the second is Judith Glaser’s Conversational Intelligence. For Nonviolent Communication, I have a summary article written on it so please find the link in the transcript of this video.

Meanwhile from my experience as a coach, I find the use of feedback models very practical for helping people learn better conversation skills…

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Takeshi Yoshida

Chief Coach, Agile Organization Development (agile-od.com) — we are a tribe of change, transformation, innovation experts